My birth story and how I re-discovered the importance of photographs.
In January 2026 I gave birth to my daughter Zoey during a planned homebirth. She's my fourth. I have two boys, 17 and 15, and two girls, 4 and 4 months. This was my third birth at home.
My water broke at 37 weeks and my midwife was on the way when I realized the baby is coming.
I was standing next to the foot of my bed when I suddenly felt her head hit the bottom of my pelvis, then the feeling went away and I thought I was fine. However, during the next contraction her entire head came out, and then her body in the next.
My eyes were closed and we were engulfed by darkness. I could see what was happening in my mind's eye as my hand gently cradled her head. I felt absolutely zero pain and all the sensations. All I could think was - don't drop the baby.
A 30-second break, then another contraction. I pushed with it and felt the baby rotate toward my right side, then lifted my left leg and caught her.
Her tiny hands grasped the air as I lifted her up and could see that she was stunned so I gave her two rescue breaths. At that moment my midwife ran in. We bagged the baby and she turned PINK!
As soon as Monica, my midwife, said "She's FINE!", Zoey turned purple. Literally in an instant. I have never seen that before.
From "she's fine" to "Joe call 911" in a matter of seconds.
The next thing I remember is I'm bagging the baby next to me on the bed while my husband is on speakerphone with 911 and Monica is confirming there is a heartbeat. Zoey is still attached. Her chest is moving. We start blow-by oxygen.
The next memory I have is my tiny ass bedroom filled with the entire fire department, cops spilling into the hallway.
The EMTs checking on the baby. She seems to be doing OK. Tricky little baby.
EMTs attach a pulse ox. She still hasn't cried but is now PINK and breathing on her own, and we got a couple sneezes, although it seems Zoey goes back and forth between totally fine and struggling.
I tell Monica I think the placenta is coming. She helps me deliver it and gives me the most vigorous fundal massage. I guarantee you have not seen one like this before. I didn't bleed for TWO days after lol - except for the first night. (I cannot say enough good things about Monica -my midwife from Birth Pray Love. It could fill an entire blog, so I will say for now that I am eternally grateful for her skill, love and help.)
At this point I'm lying on the bed, naked, she's squeezing about 200 cc's of Niagara Falls-like fluid out of me, I'm holding blow-by oxygen for my baby and the EMTs are bewildered. We later had to convince them that I did not in fact bleed a lot and did not need an ambulance.
We decided to transfer Zoey to the hospital, just in case. I knew once we went in it would be a whole thing. I wanted to escape having to advocate for my birth in the hospital and here I am doing it for my daughter instead but that's a story for another day.
She just turned four months and we spent 15 days at the NICU. To say that was unexpected would be an understatement. Soul-crushing, and life changing, definitely.
And I really really wish I had photos. But no one thought of it. Not even me. Not my doula who showed up in the midst of chaos.
Let me be clear. I DO NOT blame anyone for not taking photos. The thought briefly crossed my mind, but it never made it past my brain. It didn't for anyone. When there is an emergency, photos are the last thing on anyone's mind.
Even if I work as a birth photographer only and there is an emergency, I would stop shooting. Maybe I would snap a photo or two.
Why am I telling you this? Because as a doula and birth photographer, I experienced not having something that I offer to others. Not because I didn't want it, but because the circumstances prevented it from happening.
And now I know first hand what it's like to have zero photos from my last birth. I have photos from my previous three. And I also wanted to share my birth story because so many of you have let me into your life and allowed me to document your beautiful moments. And for that I am grateful.
The only way to access my birth is just through my own memories and the memories of others. I wish so badly that I could see what those moments looked like outside of my head. Not all, just a few. Maybe just the snapshots I remember most. Maybe so I could know that nothing was ruined. So I could process the day.
The first photos I have are from the NICU right after the transfer. But I miss the moments lost. I miss the baby she was right after birth. I miss moments I never externally saw, but wish to.
I always knew that photos were so important in helping clients process births, but I didn't know just how important until I couldn't use photos to process my own experience.
Now, I'm back to work now. Slowly.
And here's my small ask:
If you know someone who could use a photoshoot a newborn, a family session, a birth, or just a mom who needs to feel seen would you tell them about me?
Or maybe you want to document your special moments and I am so here for that. Please reach out, I can’t wait to hear from you. :)
A word from you means more than any ad.
Thank you for reading this. Thank you for being here.
With love,
Maggie
